For context, I am a Leo. This means I went into every relationship expecting to be the most loved and adored person ever. It also means I have a particular relationship to attention (giving it, having it, noticing when it is absent), and my own unique astrological perspective is woven into all twelve of these stories. I am not going to tell you what to do with this information. I am going to tell you what happened.

Aries

Under all that aggression, they are extremely sensitive. The Aries men I dated moved with a sense of urgency that kept things interesting. Childlike and animated, they move through life a little bit like toddlers, eager to touch and try everything in sight, never asking permission. My experience with Aries men is very all or nothing. You are either their favorite or their enemy. They will pick a fight with you at midnight and then need reassurance that you find their ideas compelling. Love and hate are inextricably linked. They are also very prone to getting completely distracted by whatever is in front of them, their work, a video game, or someone else flirting with them. Very one-track minded. All of the Aries men I dated (there were a few) had a distinct sense of mission that I was not to interfere with. They are driven by a primal sense of purpose, and if you distract them too much from it, they’ll resent you. Combative-yes. Impulsive? For sure. But amazing physical chemistry. They have sex like they are going to war.

Taurus

Taurus men are like good furniture. Supportive, aesthetically pleasing, built to last, and absolutely not going to move. Taurus men want to be comfortable, and if you are not careful, things get stagnant. They are physically affectionate and vocal about what they like and what they don’t like. Similar to Aries, they have toddler-esque qualities, like throwing tantrums when they are hungry or being extremely picky about food. Dating them can feel incredibly grounding at first, especially after chaotic relationships. My frustration was always with how long they took to do anything..hardly ever texting first, sometimes acting like they were the prize. As a Leo, not my cup of tea.

Gemini

The Gemini man was dating at least two other people simultaneously, possibly more, and somehow made this feel like it was none of my business. Interestingly enough, he frequented the same local haunts with all of his other dates, and gave himself away with his loyalty to certain coffee shops. He was a wordsmith in the truest sense, charming, perceptive, alive with curiosity, the kind of person who asks questions that make you feel interesting and seen. Then he makes you wonder whether he did that to everyone. He did. Probably. Still worth it.

Cancer

Cancer men are just Scorpios with agoraphobia. Deeply romantic in the way that can tip, without warning, into deeply manipulative. Prone to mood swings, depression and alcoholism, my experience with the Cancer man was of a darker variety. He remembers everything. He was enmeshed with his mother and reluctant to move out. This told me everything I needed to know about how he understood women and what he expected from them. Next.

Leo

Golden retriever boyfriends in loud outfits. They act like rockstars at first and then they become puppies. Good at cuddling. Also good at arguing. Their egos are more fragile than Aries but they are considerably less honest about it. They enjoy lazing around in bed and nearly always have good hair. Dating a Leo man as a Leo woman is an exercise in two suns trying to share a single sky. It is spectacular and occasionally too much. We were mirrors for each other, which was either the most intimate thing I have experienced or the most narcissistic. Possibly both.

Virgo

The Virgo man I dated scared me a little. Clean cut, dark sense of humor, noticed absolutely everything. The attentiveness was unnerving. Once, I lied about being sick to get out of a third date. I woke up to a care package of handwritten notes, medicine, soup, and flowers on my doorstep. I couldn’t keep seeing him afterwards. I genuinely did not feel like I deserved him, which is either a testament to his character or a red flag about mine.

Libra

Libra men told me exactly what I wanted to hear, which should have been the warning and was unfortunately, the appeal. Charming, flippant, and constitutionally incapable of staying faithful. Not out of cruelty but out of a genuine inability to close a door when another one is open. The dates were always beautiful. The exits were clean and conflict free.

Scorpio

The Scorpio man went through my phone and then disappeared for four days.The relationship almost ruined my life, and I say this with a complicated tenderness. The dynamic was all or nothing from the first week, which felt like passion and was also, in retrospect, a trauma response. The sex was equal parts disgusting and good. He was distrustful and kept me permanently off-balance, which is a specific kind of intimacy that I confused with depth.

Sagittarius

Warm, funny, enormous appetite for everything (food, drink, travel, sex, the next conversation) and slightly patronizing. He thinks hes a major catch and wants you to know it. He was never fully present, which he would have framed as a spiritual orientation and which I experienced as a faint, persistent unavailability. I liked him anyway. It was hard not to.

Capricorn

The Capricorn man spoke almost exclusively about vision, goals, and the brand he was building, and I spent the better part of three months trying to determine whether I was being courted or recruited. He was also, unexpectedly, quite feminine, not in any way he would have named, but in his attentiveness to aesthetics, his emotional carefulness, his interest in the texture of things. He wanted a partner who could hold the weight of ambition alongside him. I was not sure I wanted to be evaluated for the role.

Aquarius

Sharp, imaginative, a little magical, and remarkably unbothered by your whereabouts, which, when I was left unsupervised, I took full advantage of. At one point I was seeing three Aquarius men simultaneously, which tells you something about the sign and something perhaps more revealing about Leos. They are extraordinary at giving you space. The problem is that I sometimes need someone to notice when the space has become a gap. They did not notice, or did not mind, or both.

Pisces

A musician, naturally. Intuitive and tender in ways that were genuinely romantic, and also prone to victimhood and delusions. The Pisces man felt everything and wanted you to know it, but refused to get a job. A bit of a baby. I cried with him more than once. I was never entirely sure whose feelings I was crying about. The relationship felt like holding water. Beautiful while it lasted. Impossible to hold onto. Also I paid for everything.

Here is the thing I did not expect to learn from dating all twelve signs: the patterns that kept appearing were not theirs. They were mine. The Aquarius men who gave me too much space found me because I had advertised independence as my primary quality. The Scorpio who kept me off-balance found a woman who had mistaken intensity for intimacy. The Virgo who left soup on my doorstep found someone who processed care through guilt.

Astrology does not explain other people. It explains the conditions under which you keep choosing the same lesson in a different body. What I was really doing, across all twelve signs, was learning to understand myself. The zodiac just gave me twelve different angles to do it from.

I am still, it turns out, a Leo. The work continues.