Inside The Chart Of Malone Urfalian
Malone is my favorite writer in Los Angeles. He writes with the hurried urgency of a mad scientist who is forewarning you of inevitable, impending doom. His prose is frantic, urgent, and uncomfortable, akin to the musings you might hear from a self-proclaimed prophet, martyring themselves to the masses with a megaphone on the corner of Hollywood and Vine. And of course, he's a Gemini.
A translator of sorts, Malone works in marketing, helping justify creative ideas to corporations—an uncommon trade that requires him to speak fluently in both commerce and culture. It’s this ambidextrous vernacular that gives his writing its edge: the voice of someone who understands both the art and the systems that should support them. When he's not decoding cultural phenomena for brands, he's a regular contributor to literary magazines, where his tone shifts from manic urgency to something strangely tender, as if he’s trying to save us from ourselves—one perfectly deranged sentence at a time.
As a Capricorn Rising, you get the sense that he doesn’t write for approval, but out of compulsion. There’s a dry integrity to his work that feels immune to trend or performance—like he’s allergic to fluff, uninterested in seduction, and hellbent on precision. His writing isn’t trying to sell you something; it’s trying to show you what’s rotting underneath the surface. Even when he’s funny—and he often is—it feels less like a punchline and more like a warning shot.
Geminis seem to invite a mythical kind of controversy. It’s not that they seek it out, exactly. It’s more that their presence agitates the truth out of people. Malone is no exception. His work pokes at the soft underbelly of culture, of ego, of corporate delusion, and dares it to flinch. There’s a trickster quality to him—equal parts messenger and menace—that makes you wonder if he’s documenting the collapse or delighting in it. Probably both.
Malone has his South Node in Capricorn in the 12th house, which tracks. He carries the residue of lifetimes spent behind the curtain—strategizing, observing, staying composed. There’s a deep comfort in isolation, in intellectual authority, in saying everything without revealing anything. But his North Node in Cancer in the 6th house suggests that his evolution depends on unlearning that detachment. He’s here to get messy. To soften. To let the armor crack and let the work become personal. Cancer in the 6th isn’t about grand gestures—it’s about emotional presence in the mundane. It’s learning that showing up with your whole self, feelings and all, is a service. That vulnerability isn’t weakness—it’s the new architecture. And maybe that’s what his writing is ultimately doing: learning how to feel in public. Learning how to be tender in real time.
Stars Align: Your Venus is in conjunction Sun. Are you lucky?
Malone: Always Lucky.
Stars Align: Are you afraid of boredom?
Malone: No, the drive is only long if you have nothing to think about.
Stars Align: Misconceptions about Geminis you would like to clear up?
Malone: Others mistaking multiple personalities for interiorities accessed depending on who you are talking to.
Stars Align: Where do you write the best? Ie in transit/at home etc
Malone: I write best on airplanes. I haven't been on a plane since April and that's why I’m not getting enough work done. Maybe it's a suspended reality state that gets my brain more juiced.
Stars Align: What’s your toxic dating trait that’s actually kind of charming?
Malone: Mirroring, making a date feel like the best, most important person, even when they aren’t.
Stars Align: What kind of compliment makes you immediately suspicious?
Malone: When people compliment something that I can’t control.
Stars Align: What are your green flags?
Malone: I know dining etiquette, I love to treat.
Stars Align: What makes you good at your job?
Malone: Knowing what feeling someone is supposed to have and working backward from giving them that feeling into what allows that to come out. Good tastes and knowledge/theory that can explain those choices. Business skills.
Stars Align: What’s a truth you’ve told that cost you something?
Malone: That (insert the sex pest/weirdo/overly touchy guy you know here) is those things.
Stars Align: Do you find it easier to be vulnerable or funny?
Malone: What’s the difference? My most vulnerable moments are some of the funniest ones.
Stars Align: What excites you at the moment?
Malone: Watching 10 minutes of entourage and manically making calls and pacing around and then watching 10 more minutes of entourage and manically making calls and pacing around and then watching 10 more minutes of entourage and
Stars Align: Do you ever confuse intensity for intimacy?
Malone: I confuse intimacy for intensity.
Stars Align: Are you a caretaker?
Malone: Yes. I love it when other people can experience the joy I’ve had before. Sharing an experience with another person allows you to see it through their lens, allowing me to see things over and over again. Life-affirming.
Stars Align: Do you think you date people you can explain or people you can't?
Malone: I like to date people I can’t explain. I love a chase. I also think that there are feelings that you can’t explain to someone who doesn’t get it. it’s for those who know. I like to feel that when I date people don’t understand them so there is a sense of discovery. I see them in a way that others can't explain.
Stars Align: Do you think attraction is karmic, chemical, or just good timing?
Malone: Karmic. People date who they deserve. Attraction, I think is based on lack or projection, unless you actually like them. Then timing plays a big role. So does space.
Stars Align: Worst date you've ever been on?
Malone: Chicago. 2021. Late November. Steak house. I think it was Gage. My dad had sent me a night vision camera and the new GoPro and accessories and I thought it would be fun to have a girl film dinner with me from their perspective. I call the restaurant. I say it’s our 3rd anniversary. He says “but you're so young.” I said when you know you know. He brings us champagne. We eat.
I pull the go pro off her head and look through the footage but because of the ultra-wide angle, it really expanded this girl's nose. which you know. who really cares? It’s an angle.
She really cares. She is not happy in the car. and it’s Chicago. She wanted me to delete all the footage, you know it’s not going anywhere, it's a dinner, it’s a project that didn’t work out. What do you want from me? Cold walk home.
Stars Align: Best date?
Malone: Going to the Magic Castle and then Young Thugs birthday party with a girl I pursued for months. Or maybe meeting my multi-year pen pal and watching her try to pay in quarters at the Ye Rustic inn
Stars Align: Favorite Spots in LA?
Malone: Noma on 22nd maybe 23rd in Santa Monica
Stars Align: Favorite book and why?
Malone: America by Baudrillard -
I am obsessed with America, the country, and to read someone's first impression of it on a road trip was really interesting. You don’t know how wild the West can get. Actually, you do Grace. There were many great lines.
Stars Align: If your interior world had a scent, what would it be?
Malone: Ylang 49
You can find Malone’s writing here, and his dating profile on our app.